The Place
by surely-silly
Summary: [DISCONTINUED] Why can't crazy cosplaying robbers rob the house next door? THEY JUST HAD A FREAKIN' POOL BUILT IN.
1. In which the power went out

_**In Which the Power Went Out.**_

_…_

**Note: Rewriting it from the beginning!**

_…_

**So, read it all over again! xD**

_…_

_…_

Staring at the blank, frizzy television I pulled the blank closer to myself as thunder rumbled overhead. Television puffed out on me right in the freakin' middle of Naruto. I sighed, looking around to see that the couple of lamps I had, had on were also out.

Must've been the storm.

Giving the ceiling a lazy glare, I flinched as a strike of light flashed out side the big window next to the entertainment box.

I twitched involuntary.

Looking to my right I noticed Mao wasn't there anymore. Calming myself, I listened for a bit of squawking.

Weird, the two are usually at each others throats.

That's what I thought when I didn't hear anything besides the weather outside. Looking back to the powered out box, I gave it a hard stare. Maybe it'd suck me in, only to dump me out into another world, like maybe Naruto since I was just watching the show.

After a few minutes of nothing, I sat back. Maybe... I'd just sit here a bit more in the darkness that is now my home and plot world domination with the use of a rusty butter knife.

Haha, no.

...

...

...

"Stupid T.v... just had to puff out while Naruto was on huh?" I muttered, shooting the T.v dirty looks. I would swear it did things like this on purpose. Like one time it puffed out on me during The Event for no freakin' reason whatsoever.

Grumbling in the darkness for a couple of minutes, I set forth a plan.

Pulling myself up from the couch like the couch potato that I am, I began my blind journey through the dark living room.

Swearing obscenities about ten minutes later, I had renamed the living room the room of Hell after making contact with about 12 different UOs—unidentified objects, incase you were wondering—which left my shins and stomach in a throbbing pain.

Running into the railing that was the stairs, I stumbled onto the first step as my foot caught onto my blanket.

"Argh..." I grumbled one flight of stairs later, almost tripping over myself on the top step before I stumbled around to find the door that was of my room for a few minutes.

"Nya?"

"HOLY SHI—" Startled, I jumped back, slamming my shoulder into the wall as I took a rather poor defensive stance—hands out in a chop intending fashion. Squinting, I blinked at the pair of pale yellow eyes that stared back into my own brown ones in the dim light.

Oh... it was just Mao.

...

...

...

May the force stay with him.

Chuckling in embarrassment, I gave him a two fingered mock salute. Why he was in the bathroom? I have no idea. But, if I had to guess, he was probably drinking from the toilet.

"Silly cat..." I murmured before continuing on.

In the darkness I could probably get lost in here. The house was pretty big, I didn't need all the rooms, but I inherited it after my mom died a year back. Even though I've lived here practically my entire life, I still found new things or rooms every other month.

Just some weeks ago I had opened a door I found and nearly fell to my doom from the top of my bedroom.

The freakin' door had opened right up into the highest side wall of my room. Luckily Kiiro had been on the other side to startle me into taking a couple of steps back.

I sighed.

Okay.

The chirping was really getting on my nerves now.

"Okay,"I called out."You can stop with the chirping Kii —"

I cut myself off.

What in the world...

The floor looked like it was alive, being this glowing color, it stood out from the rest of the hall. If I took another couple of steps I'd be stepping in it. I shuffled forward in bafflement and stared for another moment. Tentatively picking my foot up, I placed it on the electric blue shade of carpet.

"Ah!" I yelped as a tingling feeling raced up that foot. It felt like the way a foot did when it was waking up after you have sat on it the wrong way and cut the blood circulation off, but a million times more... painful?

Hopping on one foot, my blanket fell from my shoulders as I clutched the now tingling foot.

"Eh, eh, eh, eh!" I cried softly.

It... felt so weird.

ARGGGHHH.

It was then as I was hopping about, I saw that a bit further down the hall, a bright—and I mean bright—light was streaming out from under a door. My bedroom door. Was the power back on? I looked around in the darkness as I slowly lowered my foot from my hands. Negative, the power wasn't back on.

I shivered as my foot met the floor.

Looking to the blanket on the floor next to me for a moment, I decided that I'd better just leave it there.

Just in case.

Of what you may ask?

I have no idea.

Taking a step forward with my eyes closed, I braced myself for the tingling feeling again to shoot up my leg.

Boy was I surprised when it didn't. Blinking, I looked down to the carpet floor and moved my foot side to side, wondering why I didn't, practically, get electrocuted.

"Bah..."

I continued onward, heart pounding as the floor creaked with age with every step. But as I got closer to the door, I noticed that the chirping had went away. That, and the light was gone, but I could hear the sound of muffled voices.

Were robbers robbing my house? There goes my phone option, I thought, frowning as I looked further down the hall incase I hadn't actually reached the right do—

_"FUCK."_

I jumped back from the door next to me. That had scared the crap outta me! I edged away from the door for a moment before shuffling back up to it and leaning over, lightly pressing my ear onto the cold wood, placing my hands onto the door also.

_"Shut the hell up Tobi, yeah."_

_"B-But—"_

_"Just shut the hell up!" _barked a voice._"I could be fucking praying to __Jashin right now, but NO, I'm here, where ever the hell we are!"_

___"Hidan, shut the hell up, or I will shut you up myself." _Threatened a rough voice.

_"It's probably in our best interest to stay silent, we could be in enemy territory..." _was followed by another, more deeper, voice.

_"Heh, Itachi's right, we have no idea where we are."_

Cosplayers? Cosplayers were robbing my house?

_"Tch, shut the hell up Uchiha," _countered one of the earlier voices._"Imm'a go see where we are, yeah."_

Crap.

As the faint foot steps got just the tinest bit louder, I backed up. Then, there was this loud YOWL with loud tromping and I tripped backward. Pain shot up my back when I fell back onto the floor.

Any talking ceased from inside my room. Rubbing my tailbone, I quickly scrambled to my feet. Well damn, they know I'm here for sure now. Just as I got myself upright the door to my room was ripped open. I flinched back and stumbled backward.

Crazy cosplaying robbers are crazy.

_…_


	2. In which there aren't any robbers?

_**In Which There Aren't Any Robbers?**_

_…_

**Note: Rewriting it from the beginning!**

_…_

**So, read it all over again! xD**

_…_

_…_

Heart pounding, I raised the titan vase over my head. Ready to bring it down at in moment anything walked by. I peeked around the corner again before quickly leaning back. I was probably batshit crazy—probably why I'm doing this—but I wasn't going down without some sort of a fight.

After, somehow, making it back down the hall, with which ever of them that had been chasing after me at first, had apparently tripped over the blanket I'd left on the floor. I would have laughed if I wasn't scared witless and desperate to get away.

I stiffened when I heard the tromping of feet coming up the hall. Tightening my grip on the vase, I braced for the impact that would ensue my vase-to-head action.

_"Why is girl-chan holding that vase like that?"_

I nearly screamed right then and there. Turning my head to look back over my shoulder, I caught a glimpse of an orange swirled mask in the dim lighting. Sucking in a breath, I let out a shirll battle cry and slammed the vase backwards, connecting it with the Tobi cosplayer's mask covered face.

The cosplayer let out a yelp as he stumbled backwards and away from me, losing his balance.

"GET AWAY FROM ME YOU TOBI/MADARA PERSON!" I screamed, leaping over the downed cosplaying robber when he fell to the floor, his arms shielding his face or mask from further harm.

Running off down the hall, I turned a sharp corner—nearly slipping on the carpet, only to run body first into someone as soon as I made it around said corner. Stumbling backwards, I clutched my elbow and happened to look up.

Panting, I briefly noticed Mao up on the one of the many ledges running around the house. Following his gaze downward, I didn't notice his hunches rocking as he stared down the Hidan cosplayer in front of me.

What in the world?

But, speaking of the robber, looking back to the guy, he was clutching his nose.

I'd probably hit him the face... with my... elbow.

Oh, god, if I wasn't so scared.

"FUCK! THAT HURT YOU LITTLE BASTARD!" he seethed after a moment, taking a big step forward, his free hand reaching for the—obliviously fake, right?—scythe strapped to his back. I took a step back from him, faltering a bit under his pinkish glare.

Then, it happened.

There was a loud yowl, a flurry of fur and suddenly Mao was attached to the robber's head—biting and scratching like his life depended on it. I could have sworn I saw an evil gleam in those pale yellow eyes...

Not that I was going to complain or anything.

Yelling in anger the man backed to one side of the hall, leaving a big gap to the other side. Seeing this chance I quickly darted pass, briefly hoping Mao would be okay.

Just think positive.

Yeah.

Just think positive.

I dashed down the hall, making my way for the stair case. Slowing, I placed a hand on the railing and took the first step onto, and down the stairs.

I needed to get down 'em, ASAP.

Getting about half way down, after nearly tripping twice in haste, I stopped short. I stared right into the red eyes at the bottom of the stairs in horror.

"Dammit..." My breath caught in my throat and everything seemed to get heavier. Feeling drained I took a step backward up the stairs, only to push myself into a sitting position on the carpeted steps.

Everything then went dark, darker then it had been in the gloom of the house.

Damn.

They had a freakin' hypnotist dressed as Itachi Uchiha.

_…_

"Unngh..." Man, did I feel like shit. Blinking an eye open, I squinted before letting out a small groan. I sat up, relieving myself of a dull pain in my stomach. Glancing sideways through my brown hair, I noticed it was morning.

Great.

Looking down, I found the reason why I ached in the middle. There was rope wrapped 'round me and the chair I was seated in.

Double great.

I squirmed as I finally noticed how uncomfortable I was, letting my gaze dart around the room. Where were those robbers? Maybe they left already, grabbed whatever and scoot on out.

I flinched in surprise when a voice spoke.

"Your awake," drawled a chipper voice before it split to another, more, bored one._"Took you long enough..."_

Straining to look over my shoulder, my mouth dropped open at what I saw standing near the door leading to the kitchen. I closed my mouth, doing a double take to make sure I was looking at something real.

These... have to be some damn serious cosplayers.

Standing, in all of its weird glory was a very realistic looking Zetsu cosplayer.

And by realistic, I mean, it looks so real it could pass for the real thing. He had the split colors, the eyes, AND the big, freaking venus fly plant thing protruding from his akatsuki cloak.

Which would have looked and been fabulous.

If I wasn't tied to a chair.

I gapped a bit more,"Whoa..."

He surveyed me quietly for a few moments before sniffing. Sweeping out of the room and into the kitchen next door, he gave me one last hard look from over his shoulder. Startled at his lack of being there, I squirmed in my chair again and glanced around once more.

"HELP! Somebody! Heeeeelp, I'm being robbed!" I yelled, leaning myself back in the chair to tilt my head up. When I took a short breather before starting again, I glared in the direction of the kitchen.

I thought I heard chuckles.

Trying again a few more times, I kicked my feet in vain, only to have the chair tilt before standing itself upright again. It took me a moment to see the idea, but I started rocking back and forth in the chair as I struggled with the rope on my wrists.

The result only got me an upset chair, sore wrists and my face connecting with the floor if you must know.

Cursing under my breath, I opened my eyes and came face to feet with, well, feet. Some of them were chuckling at me again.

"Assholes..." I muttered darkly. These crackpots were weird—why hadn't they left yet and why were they standing here laughing at me? They were robbers, riiight?

One of the pairs of feet silenced the chuckling,"Tobi, sit her up."

"Hai Leader-sama!"

And then I was upright again. Narrowing my brown eyes, I quickly looked around the assortment of the robbers or whatever they were.

Lemme see:

There was Deidara, Itachi, Kisame, Pain, Kakuzu, and Tobi.

They all looked pretty dedicated to their rolls, what with them even being next to their own partners. Except Kakuzu, I didn't see the Hidan from earlier. And Pain—what, they didn't have a Konan?

Putting my attention back on Pain, I made accidental eye contact with him and a small gasp slipped out.

Holy cow.

His eyes... they... they were even ringed! And in color, oh god, how discomforting was that? Pain's eyes always creeped me out when they were in color.

Feeling like a deer caught in head lights, I looked away right as he began to speak.

"_Girl_, where are we?" his voice echoed a bit in the not so open space, which only caused me to shiver.

Gulping, I quirked an eyebrow,"Uh, are you stupid?"

I mentally slapped myself.

Great job, antagonizing the crazy crackpots is the third fastest way to get yourself killed. Angering was the most, and befriending them came a close second.

Antagonizing usually lead to anger.

...

Where the crap did that even come from, I have no idea.

'Pain' narrowed his eyes at me,"It'd be in your best interest to not antagonize me, girl," he paused a moment."I will repeat myself: where are we?"

I opened my mouth, telling my brain to say what the crazy person wanted to hear, but said brain had other agendas,"Your—_You_ guys must be some crackpot robbers to not even know where you are."

I would have slapped a hand over my mouth if it was possible.

'Kakuzu' then snapped at me,"We're not robbers, girl."

Time was money, I guess.

"Then what the hell are you guys doing in my house? Miss the anime convention in my basement?"

I swear to god that slipped out by accident. Wide-eyed, I went to apologize because I really didn't want to die,"NO! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to snap, please don't hurt m—"

A loud CRASH resonated from the other room, effectively cutting my last word in half, followed by just as loud swearing. Moments later, the 'Hidan' from earlier stumbled into the room, his face laced with scratches along with a black eye.

All that was audible to where I was seated was:

"Damn hethren cat..."

I would have laughed and possibly have snickered in chat-speak if this wasn't such a serious situation.

But one thing was clear.

The force was very much so with Mao.

_…_


	3. In which I find no cosplayers

_**In Which I Find No Cosplayers?**_

_…_

**Note: Rewriting it from the beginning!**

_…_

**So, read it all over again! xD**

_…_

_…_

"I swear, I get my hands on a phone, and I am calling the cops on—_OW!—_all of you crackpots!" I threatened as my left cheek continued to rub against the carpet as I was dragged along.

It buuuuuuuurned, dammit! Freakin' robbe—erm, cosplayers had not hearts.

At all.

'Hidan' snorted, keeping a strong hold of the rope he dragged me by."Yeah, yeah, whatever floats your boat, bitch. We could take out your fucking 'police' easily."

"Says the man that got his ass handed to him by a cat..."

I totally didn't deserve the kick to the side that followed, but I stayed quiet after that. A little fearful of getting kicked again and because I was waiting for one of them to just get close enough to me.

After being dragged for what seemed forever—the guy had no idea where he was dragging me, I'm sure—I was deposited into one of the bathrooms in this house before leaving with a,"You'll stay here 'til you feel like talking, blah, blah, blah," and leaving.

I'm pretty sure he put something big and bulky in front of the door.

Ass.

Huffing, I tried to sit my self up since the jerkwad decided to leave me flat on my stomach. That bearing no fruit after a few tries, I rolled myself over, wincing a bit as my left cheek was probably rubbed raw from being dragged.

After a few more failed attempts I was able to sit myself upright, only to bang my head up against an outcropping meant to hold bath stuff.

"Fuck!" I shrieked, closing my eyes before I'd lowered my head closer to my lap in pain.

Well, that hurt like hell.

...

After wallowing in pain and wondering what I could possibly have to talk about with some delirious crackpots, who weren't robbing me or at least trashing the place, I decided I could at least humor them.

Maybe I could make a run for it... when they weren't looking.

"HEY! I'm ready to 'talk'!"

I only got silence.

"I said I'd 'talk' you retards!"

Only more silence.

"Arghhh..." I bunched my legs up and leaned forward to stand up. After falling back twice I finally made it to standing. Wriggling my fingers—they'd fallen asleep, I walked towards the door and leaned my right cheek onto it.

"HEY! YOU WEIRDOS, I SAID I'D TALK!"

Oh, now I hear footsteps. Now just to lean away from the do—

THUMP!

_"Ah, girl-chan, are you ok—"_

I cut the voice off, "OW! Why you... you freakin' retarded Uchiha!" I seethed, having placed the voice already. I sat myself up pretty quickly. Now my head hurts even more.

Noticing that the Tobi cosplayer had gone quiet, I looked up at him.

Sweat beaded on my forehead.

...They weren't THAT dedicated, right?

...

...

...

Hot damn, he's quick.

Flinching, I strained against the rope, eyes wide as I stared at the orange swirled mask, the instant reaction to grip his hand with mine hindered useless. I kept my eyes from glancing into the single eye hole because if I was correct, the Tobi—er, Madara cosplayer was, in fact, also a hypnotist.

A demented and mentally insane hypnotist.

**"How the hell do you know who I am?" **growled the voice behind the mask, grip tightening with each word.

I opened my mouth, but before any words could come out, his gloved hand crushed around my throat. I choked, and struggled against my binds, looking upward with wide eyes as I kicked my legs out.

Apparently, one of my legs actually caught him in the stomach because, not a moment too soon, I was immediately dropped in surprise.

I landed on the floor, falling uncomfortably on my rump before falling over onto my side with a thump, where I wheezed for a moment before setting into a coughing fit. The air felt so very heavy.

I never, ever, want to be choked again.

EVER.

**"Why you little—"**

_"Tobi, yeah! Where the hell are you, un?"_

And then, just like that, the air seemed to get considerably lighter. I wheezed in panic when, all of a sudden, 'Madara' dropped down right next to me and shook my shoulder, seemingly concerned.

"Ah! Girl-chan, are you okay?" he exclaimed, using 'Toby's voice.

Oh, so, you're going to play the good boy 'Toby' card, were you 'Madara'? Well, two can play this game, though, it isn't really a game, more like a death wish on my part and a problem for you, but that's beside the point.

Shrieking, I thrashed out of his grip.

'Tobi', 'Madara', or whoever the dude was pretending to be at the moment, stiffened before relaxing himself and reaching towards me with his gloved hands in a panic,"Girl-chan, what's wrong? Tobi's a good boy!" he exclaimed, turning to face the approaching Deidara."Senpai, Senpai! There's something wrong with girl-chan!"

I wanted to laugh or at least smirk when 'Deidara' shoved him over and away from me with a foot, but I was still wheezing as I calmed myself down.

I nearly had a heart attack when 'Deidara' casually picked me up and slung me over his shoulder before starting to walk, leaving a slightly worried 'Tobi' to follow behind minutes later.

I squealed after a few moments of silence.

"Shut up, hmmm."

I squealed again.

I'm hoping it hurts his ears, but seriously:

WHAT IS THAT WET FEELING ON MY LEG?

"I said, shut up, _'mmm_."

I squealed once more for good measure.

"Squeal one more time and I'm dropping you, yeah."

I'd only just got a squeal beginning when he did drop me.

After that, 'Tobi' had to carry me and I didn't squeal. 'Madara' scared me too much for me to even want to get on 'Tobi's' bad side.

If he even had one.

Momentarily forgetting who was carrying me, I grumbled to myself."Stupid mouth hands... or sponges, whatever it is... nasty clay saliva... or just saliva." I questioned myself after that, wondering why I even talked as if they could even possibly be the real Akatsuki.

A flexed shoulder jolted me back to the situation.

"Ow..."

I hate softheaded cosplayers.

_…_


	4. In which I answer or die

_**In Which I Answer or Die**_

_…_

**Note: Rewriting it from the beginning!**

_…_

**So, read it all over again! xD**

_…_

_…_

Awesome sauce, I found out the time AND where a phone is, but that will have to wait as I'm back to being strapped to a chair you see.

"You _will_ tell me our location," demanded Pain, again, for the second time to day. This time, he decided to do the questioning alone, without his... 'friends,' if you could call them that.

Sighing, I avoided his gaze.

"Earth."

He continued to stare at me.

"Western Hemisphere?"

More staring.

"... North America?"

Even more staring.

"United States of America?"

Point blank staring.

"North Carolina?"

Then unblinking staring.

"Hope Valley, North Carolina?"

For Pete's sake, stop staring already.

Looking to the ceiling, I could see him narrow his eyes at me out of my peripheral vision.

"It would be in your best interest to stop lying to me."

"I'm not lying," I snapped at him.

"Then why do you keep looking away."

It wasn't really a question, more of a statement.

"Your eyes are unsettling."

True dat.

Seeming to be at a slight loss on how to respond to that, he changed the subject.

"Who are you, what is your village, rank and age."

I made a face at the multiple questions in one, childishly answering with,"I'm not supposed to talk to strangers."

Not that I haven't been talking to him already.

But then I gasped when the air seemingly slammed down on me—everything seemed to have gotten hot and increasingly confusing.

"You'd do well to answer my questions."

Feeling the sweat bead on my forehead, I gave in.

"B-Beni, no village t-therefore no rank, eighteen-n."

He studied me for a moment before asking his next question.

"Do you know of the Akatsuki."

Even, under all this pressure, I feigned innocence,"Who?"

"Don't play stupid girl, I've noticed how act around everyone and how you happen to know _Tobi_."

This is where loose lips can get you.

"Uh, who?" I tried again.

"You will tell me what you know or I will kill—"

CRASH!

'Pain' stiffened for a brief moment, having been caught off guard at the loud crash.

Then, the yelling started.

_"TOBI YOU BASTARD, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, YEAH?"_

_"TOBI IS SORRY SENPAI! TOBI DIDN'T THINK YOU'D MIND!"_

More crashing ensued, along with encouraging yells from someone—coughcough'Hidan'coughcough—to beat said person half to death for being a hethern and a freak. I could tell 'Pain' was giving the door, that led to the room where all the screaming was taking place, a long-suffering look. Maybe he regretted doing this.

Taking a deep breath, I relaxed a bit bit under the light air.

Seemed he didn't get a break for whatever reason.

He was quiet for another moment before saying,"Give me one reason why I shouldn't just kill you."

My eyes nearly bugged out of my head.

He... He was going to kill me?

... maybe I should just play his game now.

I gulped and eyed him nervously.

"F-For one, there are people in this "world" that would gladly rip all of you to shreds because of what they read on the... c-computer, two, because if you want to survive, it'd be best not to do something to attract the authorities." I reasoned lamely, giving him not one, but TWO reasons.

When I found myself tipping back in my chair a second later, I bit the inside of my check from squealing in terror and pain. My entire left cheek—which was also the one I was dragged on, mind you—now was ablaze with a painful throbbing. And, now that I think about it, they could have already killed me, raped me or something already and left, but, yet, here we are, still here in my house doing something like an interrogation of a sort. THis was under no way this was just some normal heist.

"Do not underestimate us."

I bent over and tried to blink away unwanted fluids.

"Yes... Mister Slappy..." I mumbled.

This also earned me a hard shove backwards, of which upset my chair again and landed me back to chair on the floor with the breath momentarily knocked out of me. I groaned. God, I say something, you inflict pain on me, I say something again, you inflict more pain on me. It hadn't felt like anything... but something at the same time? Was that even possible, I don't know, but he hadn't of pushed me over for sure.

Tears blurred my eyes when I opened them and tried to focus on the bright light glinting into them from the...

Kunai.

"Answer or die."

"I'll take answer option one for six-hundred..."

The kunai came closer.

"YES! I SAID YES!" I wailed, kicking my legs out in a vain attempt to push myself away. Curse him for standing right out of my reach.

The kunai disappeared just as quick as it came into Pain's black, cloud covered cloak.

"Good, now, what is my name."

... Stupid statement, not question thing.

I'm sure I should say what I'm gonna say next, but it was answer or die, right?

"Pain, Yahiko, Nagato."

He gave me a hard stare before continuing,"Name all of the Akatsuki."

Twitching involuntarily, I compiled,"You, Konan, Orochimaru was, Sasori is dead apparently, Deidara, Zetsu, Hidan, Kakuzu, Itachi, Kisame."

I took a breath.

"And Tobi, aka Uchiha Madara."

I don't think he was happy with all the information I was sprouting.

"Our goal."

"To capture all of the bijuu hosts for world domination," I started."Or, at least that's what you tell the public."

I could see him visibly stiffened and his gaze hardened,"How do you know—"

The next few minutes were completely strange.

_"LEGO YOU PINK-EYED MOTHERFUCKER!"_

_"ARGH! FUCK, COME HERE YOU LITTLE BITCH! TOBI, YOU FUCKTARD, GRAB HER!"_

_"Hai Hidan-san!"_

_"STAY AWAY YOU FUCKERS, OR I'LL BITE—"_

All of that was followed by a loud and unceremonious THUD.

Dear god, what now?

_…_


	5. In which I score

_**In Which I Score**_

_…_

**Note: Rewriting it from the beginning!**

_…_

**So, read it all over again! xD**

_…_

_…_

_"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU WEIRD ASS COSPLAYER?"_

_"YOU LITTLE BITCH, HOLD THE FUCK STILL!"_

_"MAKE ME, YOU FUC—WHAT THE HELL! LEGO TRANSVESTITE!"_

_"No can do, little bitch, yeah!"_

_"LET GO OR I'LL KICK YOUR GIRLY ASS TO HELL AND BACK!"_

_"Hah, that's rich, you civilian—OW! THE HELL! DID YOU JUST BITE ME, YEAH?"_

There was a thump.

_"HAH! TAKE THAT YOU CO—unngh..."_

_"Took you long enough, Uchiha, yeah..."_

I groaned as I laid my head back against the floor. I might as well consider them real, they're not robbers, or cosplayers and probably not mental patients, so what else am I left with? Them being real or this being one hell of a nightmare from which I've yet to wake. Maybe watching Naruto on Disney is bad for the brain.

While I was being miserable on the floor, strapped to a chair, Pain had been watching my reactions. I could tell 'cuz he hadn't said anything in the past few minutes... unless the wall was more interesting then me.

"A friend of yours, I presume."

"..."

He glanced back to the door before picking me up, chair and all after my silent response.

"We'll finish exchanging information later."

I wanted to complain, but whoever they were, I certainly didn't want to be on their bad side, like a certain someone.

_…_

Well, I'm no longer strapped to a chair, but the unidentified space of harmful or harmless is now filled with someone else as I've been deemed the latter.

Not a threat.

Soft as a kitten.

It's a bit demeaning, how ever you want dress it up, when you think about it, but come on, we're talking about possible ninjas here. Ninjas that shouldn't exist or be conversing in my kitchen over what to do and whatnot. Ninjas that shouldn't be sitting in my favorite chair. Ninjas that shouldn't be in my home. Ninjas that shouldn't even be in this world.

"You just had to slip in through the back, didn't you? You get kicks from being able to break into this house, I know you do—its because you know I won't call the police, isn't it?"

"Well, no... and yes, yer 'ight."

"... Well, if you be a good little rope bound hostage, they won't hurt you."

Billie frowned. She's been awake for awhile now, she'd nearly gave gave me a black eye when she woke up. She told me that she'd seen a flash of red before everything went dark and she woke up, nearly clocking me in the face with her left.

"Who the fuck 'er they anyway?"

"Well, I thought they were cosplaying robbers, then just cosplayers, but then mental patients, however... see where I'm going with this?"

"Yer off ya' damn rocker, they can't be, er, whatever 'ey are from that... manga."

"You haven't been a hostage for the better part of a day."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

There was a couple of minutes of silence.

_"You two are annoying to listen too. _But, you are quite interesting to watch," spoke a couple of voices behind the couch.

"I'm glad we're interesting to you, 'Zetsu'," I said, huddling up in the other blanket I'd left on the couch last night. Thank god the T.v was still off."Unless, your just watching us, seeing if we'll say anything 'interesting'."

_"That one's smart," _came the black side._"Too smart."_

Billie leaned back on the couch, letting her head lay on the back of the couch so she could get a better look at 'Zetsu'.

"Fuck... yer ugly."

There was a distinctive clack followed by the shuffling of feet.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"He j'st made a fuckin' chompin' motion at me."

I couldn't help, but sigh.

"Congratulations, you have pissed off the cannibal," spoke the fishman sitting in my favorite chair. His beady little eyes weren't open, but I knew better then to think he wasn't watching the two of us. Being 'ninjas' meant they had eyes in the back of their heads and eyes over their eyes. I hadn't realized I'd been staring at him so intently when one of his eyes blinked open and caught my eyes. I turned red, I know I did, and averted my gaze.

After his quiet chuckle, I came to the decision my pride could be chipped just a bit.

For the sake of the house phone sitting in the bathroom down the hall.

Letting the bathroom jig appear in my bodily posture, I glanced down the hall and hopped up from the couch, only making it a few steps away from said couch when Kisame called out to me like he couldn't believe I was thinking of trying something.

"Hey, where do you think your going, huh?"

I stopped and hopped from foot to foot as I turned back around. They being ninjas, they normally and most likely were only used to ninjas and scared stupid civilians. The ninjas I could see trying my plan, but they were ninjas and they probably knew it and knew not to trust them. Normal civilians would probably deem their pride too valuable or do a horrible job of my plan.

I'm hoping I'm a bit more convincing then most.

"T-The bathroom?"

"Nope, back to the couch."

"B-But—"

"Don't want to hear it, back to the couch."

I hadn't really thought Kisame would buy into my ploy, but in the minute it took me to walk down the hall and into the bathroom, shutting the door behind me, I gave myself a mental peace sign, also savoring the purple look his face took on.

Score one for the civilian girl, score zero for the sharkman in my favorite chair.

As I quietly locked the door, I let out a single breath before panicking and rushing to the phone sitting harmlessly on the sink. "Please... Please... Please work."

I pressed my fingers onto three buttons, doubling the last two on the same digit.

When there was no dial tone, I nearly slammed the phone down on the tile flooring. Plopping down onto the toilet after quietly placing the phone back on the sink, I covered my face with my hands. The power was still out, Billie's dad was gone for the summer and most people were out for the hot season. What in the hell could we do now? The Akasuki in the real world? What the fuck had I been thinking anyway? I'd get in trouble for 'prank' calling the police station.

And that's beside the fact, 'ninjas' have the ears of a hawk or something.

I sat there a few moments, rubbing at my face irritated, knowing I couldn't stay in there much longer.

Though.

I nearly had a heart attack when a bundle of sleek, pale green fur landed in my lap.

_…_


	6. In which I, indirectly, owe a Jashinist

_**In Which I, Indirectly, Owe A Jashinist**_

_…_

**Note: Rewriting it from the beginning!**

_…_

**So, read it all over again! xD**

_…_

_…_

After finding Mao and Kii in the bathroom I had picked the heroic cat up and shook him a good time before giving him a good stern lecture on why he shouldn't jump strangers. Because, ya' know, they could be armed. I also told him to go hide over in the other side of the house.

I do believe he understood me. Well, I'm not sure he did for sure, he just gave me this look with his big yellow eyes and pawed at my face while Kii sat still on the edge of the bathtub. His little black eyes seemed to see into my very soul at that very moment, like he knew plenty I didn't.

Kinda... creepy, yeah?

However, that's beside the point. The point is, its been three days since Billie barged in, getting captured and three and a half after I was taken hostage, and no one has yet to bother even to check up on us.

NO ONE.

...

...

Damn, me and Billie must not be very important.

"So, we're in a placed called, Hope Valley, hmm?"

"Yes."

Billie rolled her eyes. Lucky dog didn't know squat about Naruto, well, a little, but there was really only Fullmetal Alchemist in her eyes. I could see the appeal in it, but ninjas are way better then some short blonde kid who could clap and make stuff without so much as a chisel and a hammer. but, it's not like she got questioned, oh no, I think I must have looked much more promising then her.

"And there's no ninjas?" piped in 'Tobi'.

"There are, but not your kind of ninja."

At least, I think there are.

Narrowing his visible eye at me, 'Deidara' reached over with his right hand, its tongue lolling out at me. If this didn't prove they were real, I'd have to call myself insane.

I just stared at the hand and its very pink tongue. It was... grinning at me? Frowning? Smirking? What the hell? I'm thinking he does this often when they get hostages.

Apparently my lack of a reaction displeased the nuke-nin since he withdrew his hand, only to hold out his left hand at Billie, who loudly exclaimed,"THE FUCK?" and moved away from him, scooting further out of his reach. It wasn't far, but it was enough for her and that seemed to please the blond, Uchiha-hating-ninja. Her reaction, that is.

"Not so brave now, girly, yeah?" he sneered.

After she got the air knocked out of her by Pain's Shinra Tensei, or as she called it,'magical force thingamahbob', Billie had apparently took my words to heart from days ago and decided to, instead say something witty and insulting, give him a dark glower.

I sighed. God, these past few days it's been interrogation this, interrogation that. First, it was just Pain, then Hidan and Kakuzu—mind you, it didn't end well—then Konan. I didn't even know she was here, so it was a huge shocker.

And, now these two.

Deidara and the bastard, Madara, with the Tobi facade.

The Iwa-nin tried a couple more questions. Got only simple answers. Tried some more questions. Still got simple answers from me. Tried to use the threat of a kunai, and got slightly less simple answers. After awhile, though, he got fed up with it, especially when he found Billie didn't know anything of value.

The blonde slumped in his chair a bit and tipped his head back to groan,"We're getting nowhere with this, yeah..."

"Well, ya' COULD get somewhere if ya' untied me."

"Not on your life, hmm."

"You ruined it for yourself, ya' know."

With a huff and a scuff of her foot on the floor, Billie narrowed her red eyes at the ceiling. I knew she knew I knew that she knew I knew she had ruined it for herself days ago.

"Meh..."

We sat in silence for another few moments, that seemed to drag on for an hour before Deidara stood up from his chair.

"That's it, I give up, 'mmm," he said, throwing his hands up."I'll let the bastard Uchiha interrogate you two."

And not a moment too soon, Tobi stood up also, waving his arms,"But sennnpai, I wanna spend more time with Beni-channn and Billie-channn." he whined. I'm not sure I remember saying Billie's name in front of him before...

The youngest Akatsuki member gave him a quizzical look, but seemed to be thinking it over.

"NO," I blurted out, too quick for my mind to actually process what I had wanted to not say.

I had wanted to say,"Please don't leave us here with the crazed Uchiha," but then I would have just have gotten in more... trouble.

Deidara and Tobi turned to look at me. A smirk had spread over the blonde S-Class criminal's face.

... Dammit. I forgot the number one rule when dealing with people like Deidara. NEVER let them know what ticks you off or they'll use it to their advantage, however, in this case, it may just get me and Billie both killed.

I mentally slapped myself.

"Heh, why not, yeah?"

The bomber was still smirking as he turned to Tobi,"You can stay here, Tobi, hmm."

I could hear Billie mumble the word,"What?," under her breath at me. I wanted to say something back, but as I said earlier:

Ninjas have the ears of hawks or something.

I watched, pained, as Tobi clapped his hands in supposed glee,"Thank you sen~pai!"

Time to improvise.

"Uhhh,"I lamely began, hoping this wouldn't backfire."Deidara, you're an artist, right?"

I swear his eyes lit up like light bulbs

And, was what I heard a,"Damn," from Tobi?

Completely ditching the fact he was about to leave, Deidara went back and sat back into his chair after pulling it closer to me, leaning near,"Which do you believe to be True art: for it to be eternal and left for the future or fleeting, to only last a moment?"

He was serious.

"Um, the latter."

However, in a situation like this, it was safe to stay on his good side.

A grin appeared on his face,"You an artist, hm?"

At most I could draw some stick figures, so that counted, right?

"Y-Yes?"

I swear his grin grew deranged at my response.

_…_

* * *

_…_

"Shut the hell up, Tobi, un," Deidara growled as he glanced around the corner.

After deeming me a worthy fellow artist, he had slung me over his shoulder—telling Tobi to do the same with Billie, and quietly told us we were going to be shone,"True Art." I could hazard a good guess on what he meant, and maybe, just maybe someone would see the 'Art.'

"But, senpaaaai, we'll get in trouble if we're caught!" Tobi whispered, a bit loud.

"If, Tobi, if, 'mmm."

Since that the hall was clear, he continued along, heading for the back sliding door of the house. I sniffed at Tobi from my position over the former Iwa-nin's shoulder. Oh, he thought he'd had me.

Better luck next time bastard.

Deidara was just getting to sliding the door open when Billie whispered from over Tobi's shoulder.

"Hay, hay, thar's this guy with orange hair behind us..."

I could feel Deidara freeze at Billie's words. Orange hair is something I know none of us would have liked to hear about right now... except Billie, she probably didn't even know who he was, but the rest of us knew who was.

"Uh-oh," Tobi whispered.

"Where do you think you're going, Deidara."

... Bloody hell, a question made as a statement, can't he just ask a normal question? I looked anywhere, but the orange haired leader.

When there was no answer from Deidara, there was this frightening moment where my vision of the world spun a full 360 and stopped just as quick—the backs of the arsonist and Tobi, with my friend in tow, now in my line of view. Ninjas... I didn't like these ninjas, nope. That had been like... like riding a roller-coaster if you will, a very disorientating roller-coaster

I flinched hard when the grip on my shoulder tightened.

"So, where are you going, Beni."

It took me a moment, but I answered.

"...N-Nowhere.''

I flinched again. It seemed he wanted an explanation for 'nowhere.'

"Y-You stopped us from g-going anywhere, so we're g-going nowhere..."

Hopefully that'd satisfy the crazy homicidal ninja.

I couldn't tell if he was about to say something after that, what with him behind me and all, but, as much as this pained me to say it, Hidan totally saved our asses.

I'll have to be nice to him at one point to repay him.

_"HEY! IT'S THAT HETHERN CAT! COME 'ER YOU LITTLE FUCKER!"_

This was followed by loud yowling.

_"COME HERE YOU FUCKING CAT!"_

As the grip on my shoulder lessened a bit, there was an audible gasp from Tobi.

"Mao-kun!" he exclaimed, turning on his heel, jolting Billie. He speed walked up to Pain, giving a slight bow, saying,"Sorry Leader-sama, bye Leader-sama." and all, but ran out of the room, taking my friend with him.

"HIDAN-SAN! DON"T HURT MAO-KUN!" he screamed as he ran around the corner, disappearing from my sight.

I looked back to where Deidara was.

... Well he HAD been there.

I could feel the sweat bead on my forehead.

"Don't think you have us fooled, you know too much to be a mere _civilian_."

And just like that, the oppressing pressure that was an orange haired, ringed eyed ninja was gone. Not entirely gone, but gone enough for me to buckle onto my knees in relief that the air seemed light again.

I took a moment to shake myself before standing again before something, just, clicked.

"How in the world did he know Mao's name..." I mumbled to myself, my arms wrapped around myself.

...

...

...

He was in on me when I was in the bathroom.

That bastard.

_…_


	7. In which I momentarily explode

_1708 Hours Military Time - 19/6/XX_

_

* * *

_...

Well.

Hidan's outburst from in the other room earlier hadn't completely saved us from getting in trouble, but it did get us a lesser punishment, if you could call it that. So after everything had been sorted out with Hidan, Pain had ordered both me and Billie to go and stay in one of the many rooms.

Of course we chose my room.

Sighing, I continued on the knots in the rope that bound Billie.

"I wanna get on the damn computer..." she grumbled.

Tugging on another knot, I replied,"Yeah, well I want to too, but we can't, the power's still out."

Haa, man, being held hostage sucks.

_Grumble._

Billie slumped over more.

"I'm hungry..."

I nodded in agreement. The last time we had food was two days ago when Kisame got tired of our whining and gave us something.

But that was two days ago.

_Gurgle._

I spent another few minutes on the rope, before giving up. Stupid ninja and their knot tying skills.

Standing up, I brushed myself off,"Well, I can't get the rope undone, so you'll just have to hope one of them ninjas will untie it." I told Billie as she lied back on the carpet.

"You gonna ask one of 'em?"

I nodded.

_Gurrrrgle._

"Ask that quiet one, he ought to help."

... Quiet one?

I scratched my head,"Zetsu?"

"The one that argued with himself?"

I nodded again.

"No, that other guy, uh, that hung around with that blue guy, K-Kisane? Kisame?"

"Ah, you mean Itachi."

Billie shrugged.

"I doubt he'd help, but I'll go look for someone anyway..." I said as I walked over to the door, pulling it open.

Apparently no one had locked it yet- oh.

I stared dumbly at the Uchiha standing at the door.

"Where do you think your going."

Geez, he's just like Pain.

"Uh, I was going to go find someone to help us with something."

He just stared down at me, his sharingan not on at the moment.

"Well, if you wouldn't mind, could you get that damn rope off my friend over there?" I said, moving so the weasel could see my friend lying on the floor a few feet away.

There was a a considerable amount of silence after that before Itachi reached forward with one of his hands and gave me a light shove back into the room, pulling the door shut not a moment later followed by a soft click as the door was locked from the outside.

"Thanks." I mumbled as I turned back to see Billie.

Sitting on the floor with the rope in pieces around her.

She beamed at me,"Such a nice guy."

I shook my head at her. I worried about her sometimes.

* * *

Hours later, Deidara easily unlocked the door to the room before waltzing in."Alrightly brats, Leader wants-" he stopped short."What the hell is wrong with you two, un?"

With my head lolling over the edge of my bed as I glanced up at Deidara."We're bored-"

"-And starving," Billie finished, her stomach growling out in hunger. She herself was sprawled out over a bean bag in the corner, her head hidden from my view from over the back of the bag.

Deidara looked us over before shaking his head."Well, Leader wants to see you two, yeah."

Groaning, I slowly turned and slipped off the edge of my bed, landing in a heap on the floor."Ow."

I couldn't tell if Billie moved yet, but she would anyway. If she wanted food that is.

Standing up I swayed a bit. A good amount of my blood had gone to my head as I'd hung off the edge of my bed upside down.

"Arghh..."

Deidara stood impatiently over by the door.

Tapping his foot, he snapped at us."Come on, come on, don't have all day, hmmm."Seems he doesn't care that I'm a fellow artist anymore.

Eh, whatever.

Stumbling over the Billie, I bent over her and smacked at her arm a couple of times, getting a few annoyed grunts as a reply."Come on, Billie," I said, as I pinched at her arm."We'll get some food, ya' hear? Just get your lazy ass up."

Grunting, Billie didn't move. Sighing, I gave the bean bag the best kick I could."_Now,_ Billie."

Billie whined again, but resigned and started to lean herself upright."Better be some damn good food."

Coughing from Deidara reminded me he was there."Hurry up, Leader's waiting, 'mmm" he chided.

Pulling Billie and I from the room, Deidara closed the door behind him when he walked out. Squinting my eyes, I out a big yawn, only to cause Billie to do the same thing seconds later. Man, I wonder what time it was. Glancing out the window, I saw that the sun was just setting.

Damn, they left us in there a long time!

Shooting Deidara dirty look, I gave Billie a light shove and a point to the window.

Billie looked at me like "Wtf?" before following my pointed finger. Her lidded eyes widened when she saw how low the sun was sinking beyond the horizon.

She seethed.

"WHAT THE FUCK? DUDE, YOU GUYS LEFT US IN THERE TOO LONG, I MISSED MY FUCKIN' SHOW YOU BASTARDS!"

I blinked at her.

All she cared for was a Tv show? What the hell man? I mean I know, the power came back on an hour ago, but it wasn't my fault my Tv had been plugged up as a game Tv at the time, but seriously, A, FUCKING TV SHOW?

We've been held hostages by psychotic ninjas, and all she cared for was television.

Gritting my teeth, I shoved Billie into the wall parallel to her."A TV SHOW, BILLIE? REALLY?"

Well, I finally exploded, huh?

Yelping, Billie harmlessly bounced back from the wall and into Deidara, who'd been standing there wondering what a Tv show was. I hadn't put really any force into shoving her.

I puffed angrily for another couple of moments before deflating. If it was one thing about me, I just couldn't stay angry at people for any reason or other, however, I wasn't really one for saying sorry.

Ruffling a hand through my brown hair, I shot Billie a guilty look.

Man, I really hadn't meant to do that.


	8. In which Itachi's not yet FULLY blind

_Hours Unknown Military Time - 19/6/XX_

_

* * *

_Shifting in my seat, I shot another glance at Billie. She kept looking the other way, her left hand rubbing her right arm almost rhythmically.

Sometimes I forget just how much of a grudge holder she was.

Though, she is quite easy to get to forgive. Just gotta know 'er well enough.

Pain hadn't come in yet as Tobi and Hidan had gotten into some sort of spat, leading Hidan to chase the bastard around the house and out the back door. I would know, they shoved right by me, Deidara and Billie with Pain walking calmly right after them. It would have been funny if I weren't feeling guilty.

Scratching my head I cleared my throat and as expected, Billie turned her head to me, think I was going to say something.

Of which I didn't, but instead, I gave her my best puppy dog eyes.

And by the look she was giving me, I think I melted her heart.

Or at least she got that I was trying to say I was sorry.

But whatever she got out of my puppy look, I got a grin full of pearly whites.

All was good in the world now-

"Ack..." I winced from my new place on the floor. Momentarily glancing up to see Pain staring at me, I glanced away. I think he said something... or asked me something.

"What the hell man?" Billie scowled from her seat a couple feet away.

I laid there in the floor.

Getting hit in the chest by an unseen force hurt.

A LOT.

Sighing, I made a slight move to get up before deciding against it."I'm sorry, please continue."

Pain gave me one more glance before resuming whatever he had been saying.

"As I was saying," he started."Would you explain what _this_ is."

He held up a manga book.

No, not just any manga book, but Naruto; volume 1.

I choked from my place on the floor, and much to my growing horror, Deidara and Tobi then walked in, both carrying two stacks of all my Naruto volumes going from volume 2 to volume 48. They even had my copy of the original Naruto concept and my shiny ninja card of Sakura.

Setting the books down on the table behind Pain, Deidara scowled in his Leader's and ours direction before going back out of the room; having to pull Tobi along, without as much as one word.

We sat in silence.

"Answer or-"

"It's a book."

Pain slowly switched his attention from me to Billie."Elaborate."

Billie shot me a glance before shifting in her seat.

"It's a book; as simple as I said."

"Then why does this," he started, holding the book so it faced Billie,"have the blonde jinchuuriki on it."

Uh oh.

Billie's eyebrows furrowed together for a moment before she turned to me.

"Beni, what's a jinch-whatever he said?" Pain then looked back to me. He gave me this look, I suppose, that meant,_"Answer or Die."_

Finally making a move to get up again, I sat upright on the floor and shook myself, only to wince at the throbbing pain in my chest.

I can do this.

"It's a Bijuu Host, the people they practically hunt down and kill."

I really wish I wasn't this well informed about Naruto right now. Scratching my head I confirmed Billie's explanation."It is a book."

I do believe Pain has figured out we just went right back to square one by going in a circle.

"I will say this once more-why is the blonde jinchuuriki on this book."

"Uh," I looked to Billie.

She shrugged.

Looks like I'm on my own on this one.

Again.

"Um," I started."My resources decided that?"

Narrowing his eyes at me, Pain sat the book back down,"Itachi."

Said infamous Uchiha appeared next to the Akatsuki leader,"Yes, Leader-sama."

There was some kind of silent communication between the two before Pain left, leaving us with the murderous weasel.

I watched him after Pain had left. He briefly looked us both over before walking over to the table with all my manga on it. I couldn't see his expression, but I could see his right hand slowly going by the spines of the books with his fingers. I could see him pause for the smallest second over volumes 2, 17, 27, and 38, then switching to the second stack, going over 39, 40, and 41, with slight pauses, before coming to a complete stop on #43.

Taking a moment, he pulled it out from the stack.

Was it just me or did all of those volumes have Sasuke on them?

...

...

...

Oh god, I'm such a Narutard.

"Why does this book have me and Sasuke on it?"

It seemed he WAS capable of asking a question.

Scratching at my neck, I looked away to make sure I did not make contact with his eyes,"I dunno... BECAUSE ITS ABOUT YOU TWO."

Itachi retracted the kunai he had placed lightly on my neck,"Then why can I not read its contents?"

Placing a hand over my neck I gave him a weird look.

"You can't read it?"

Oh my, don't tell me he finally went—

"None of us can read it."

...

...

...

Nevermind.

* * *

**Author's Note: Sorry guys for taking so long to update! I've just been in a slump lately with writing and drawing, I'm sorry for making you guys wait for so long ;****—;**


	9. In which I don't want to convert

_Hours Unknown Military Time - ?/6/XX_

_

* * *

_"Rghhh..." I jerked forward, blinking my eyes in an attempt to keep myself awake.

I have no idea how long Itachi's been gone. After he'd told us—well, really me—that they couldn't read the manga books, just the cover and back, he tired to make me tell him what was inside the book.

But I lied.

I could read it, but I told him I couldn't. Saying,"Ever since you guys just came, literally, out of nowhere, I haven't been able to read any of my manga books."

Complete lie right there.

He tired to get Billie to read it with the threat of a silt throat, but she held fast to our new lie. So, in what I guess a very Uchiha like way, Itachi gave us one of those _I-know-that-your-lying_ kinda look.

However, it seemed he couldn't actually hurt us.

So all's good at the moment.

"Beni."

"..."

"Beni."

"..."

"Beni."

"..."

"BENI!"

I jerked up and backward,"Holy shi—"

_ THUMP!_

"..."

"I'm... okay."

Billie glowered a bit at me.

"I'm hungry."

"Your point?"

"I want fuckin' food."

"... and?"

"Do something about it, dammit."

...

...

...

...

I faltered under her intense glare.

Picking myself up from the floor on wobbly feet, I stumbled over to the door and slumped up against it.

"Oi!" I called, thumping my left fist onto the door."I want to tell you all something that concerns ALL of you weirdos!"

...

...

...

"It involves who dies next!"

The door was immediately pulled open from under me.

Squeaking, I fell forward.

And onto someone.

But not just any someone, oh no, that's just too much to hope for.

My heart just about nearly stopped when I felt leather ridiculously close to my neck. With a startled scream, I shoved myself backward, effectively ripping myself away from my most favorite Naruto character—well, I like both of 'em, but I like the giddy half better.

Dropping myself onto the floor, I immediately covered my head with my arms as there was a bellow of outrage from behind me.

"DON'T YOU FUCKING TOUCH HER YOU BASTARD!"

A dark shadow passed overhead of me and then there was a high pitched,"TOBI'S A GOOD BOY!" followed by a loud THUMP!

Lowering my arms, I looked up.

What I saw would have looked wrong on so many levels—in my mind, mind you—if I hadn't of known why Billie was straddling Madara—or Tobi—her fist cocked to crack him in the face.

I winced and looked away.

There was a loud CRACK and an audible hiss of pain.

Looking back, Tobi was gone and Billie was lying on her back near the door, cradling her left hand. I could hear her muttering incoherent obscenities under her breath.

Well, it appears her fist just went right through him... was kinda hoping it wouldn't, but it did.

...

...

Though, I gotta give her points for jumping him.

...

* * *

...

Licking my fingers free of loose of crumbs, I went as slowly as I could.

If I had to tell them something to get food in my own house, I was going to take my sweet time, dammit.

All of them were currently standing in front of me and the couch I sat on, waiting for me to finish. I could tell Deidara and Hidan were getting impatient.

Not that I cared.

Yawning, I wiped my hands on my pants.

"Can I fuckin' kill her?" Hidan asked out of the blue.

There was a moment of silence.

"Seriously? She's fucking doing this on purpose, dammit!"

... Wow, he's talking out loud while, I suppose, Pain is talking in his head.

This is making it harder for me to want to be nice to him.

Clearing my throat, he got quiet, but his pinkish eyes were glaring at me.

Douche bag.

"So, Sasori is already dead, riiight?"

I got a nod from Deidara and Tobi.

"Okay, now I know your gonna go batshit _no way_, but—" I looked back to Hidan,"Mister religious over there is next to die."

I feel like that girl in that one Naruto movie, who could know when a person dies or really just how they die.

Except, a lot of people know when, how, and why they die and in what order.

Like me.

...

...

...

I grimaced.

A smirk found its way onto the immortal's face.

"I CAN'T fuckin' die, bitch!" he laughed.

I rolled my eyes.

The rest of the Akatsuki just stood there, watching.

"Sure 'ya can, you have to kill a number of people a month or something right?"

Hidan snorted,"Hell yeah, seriously."

Planting my hands on the edge of the couch, I leaned forward.

"Well, let's say someone blows you up and buries your body parts in a hole,"I start,"your now stuck in a hole and can't kill anyone, so you should, like, lose your immortal ability and slowly die a painful death."

He stared at me.

...

...

...

"Would you like to convert?"

...

* * *

**Author's Note****:** _N/A_


	10. In which I kinda get a reality check

_0134 Hours Military Time - 20/6/10_

_

* * *

_"No way in hell would I want to convert you freak," I retorted before adding,"Go die in your hole already."

Hidan's face turned an unhealthy shade of purple,"Why you little bit—"

"Enough."

The jashinist cut himself short.

Pain turned his eyes to me while I looked away.

"Who dies after him."

It took me a moment, but I answered him.

"Kakuzu."

There was a moment of silence before laughter erupted from Hidan,"Hahahahaha, he gets done in right after me, seriously? Who does him in? Was it me, seriously?" he questioned.

**"You die before him you twit..."** commented Zetsu's black side."Hehe, indeed." continued his white side.

I grinned a bit,"And Deidara dies after him—with a bang too I might add."

"WHAT?" exclaimed the arsonist."Why the hell do I die after them, yeah?"

I shrugged.

The bomber seethed for a couple of more minutes while Hidan tried to tell Zetsu the possibilities of how he still could of killed Kakuzu while still dying before him.

Kakuzu didn't look to happy.

"Who dies next, 'mmm?" he demanded. One look in Itachi's direction and he knew.

"No, fucking way, the Uchiha bastard dies after me, yeah? That's bullshit!" he seethed,"Are you sure he dies AFTER me, hmmm?"

I merely nodded as all the members turned to look at the Uchiha. To me, he didn't look affected, so I just went on ahead and said who dies next.

"And that's not all,"I started,"the last one to die so far, is, well..." I nodded in Pain's direction.

Severals minutes later, I regretted saying that.

Or, well, gesturing that.

"Tobi, _escort_ Beni back to her room."

...

...

...

I really dislike Pain right now. He's lucky they all thought I was nodding to Tobi.

"Yes, sir Leader-sama, sir!"

Stiffly getting up from the couch, I shot Pain a withering look before following the Uchiha to the door.

Once we were out in the hallway, making way for the stairs, I cleared my throat.

"Touch me and I'll scream."

I hoped I didn't sound as nervous as I felt.

The face behind the mask chuckled,_**"Can you scream faster then I could slit your throat girl?"**_

I mulled this over for a second.

"... No."

He chuckled again.

Placing my hand on the railing, I started up the stairs.

"I could out you, though—" I started,"—or I could tell you how your _Moon Eye _plan works out."

Sure, just about every Naruto fan knew about his plan, but he didn't know that, now did he? Hopefully this wouldn't backfire or something.

The second set of footsteps stopped.

_**"How do you—"**_

"I just do." I replied, continuing up the stair case.

_Please don't hurt me, please don't hurt me, _I thought as I stepped onto the second floor.

_**"Hmm..."**_

That sounded really close.

Too close.

I looked back out of the corner of my eye.

My vision was clouded with orange.

"Eep!" I squeaked as I tripped forward in—uh, hm, what was the word for it? Ummm... oh, I know—horror.

Landing with a dull thump on the floor, I stayed there, heart racing and sore in the front.

My poor, poor heart.

I'll probably be a jackrabbit for the rest of my life after this... if there is even an _after_ this.

Eyes wide, my breath hitched when I felt a foot being placed on my back—it moved side to side a bit.

_**"And it would be just so, very, very, easy just to snap your spine here and now, wouldn't it?"**_ Madara sneered from above me,**_"But if I snap it just in the right place, you'll get a painful and slow death."_**

...

...

...

I'm not sure if that was true, but I really did not want to find out.

Squirming underneath his foot, water gathered at the edge of my eyes.

These guys were ninjas, S-class criminal ninjas. They killed people practically on a daily basis—for money, for information, for fun, for food, for anything really. At times, yes, I kinda wished I could meet them; for them to come to my world or me go to theirs, but, then, I'd think about it more. Did I really want to meet them? Its not like they couldn't just kill me and get away with it, heck, even the good guys could kill me and get away with it.

Had I really wanted to meet the Akatsuki?

On some levels, yes.

But really and truly?

No, no I didn't.

...

* * *

...

So, Madara just keep pressing his foot on me for some more minutes after that before he pulled me to my feet and a moment later deposited me back into my room where I weeped quietly to myself for a while.

But a couple moments after that while, my bedroom door was pulled open and Billie was shoved in.

She stumbled for a moment before she went and sprawled herself back over the beanbag. To me, she looked kinda out of it.

They must of probed her brain or something.

I wiped at my eyes only to wince at the stinging it brought. I knew it was well into the morning, so, Billie was probably just as tired as I am. Picking myself up from the foot of my bed, I climbed up onto it. Balling up one of the fleece blankets, I tossed it over at Billie.

Landing beside her, she made a kind of grunting noise before turning onto her back and grabbing at the blanket before pulling it over herself.

"Yeah... your welcome." I murmured quietly.

Pulling up the blanket, I crawled under it and turned my back towards Billie to stare at the wall. Placing my arm under my pillow, I curled myself up.

More then ever I wished my mom was here.

...

* * *

...

Well, it finally happened.

...

...

They killed me.

...

...

...

Well, that was a sad excuse for a joke if I ever saw one.

Eh.

Could that even pass for a joke? Probably not, but, really, it finally happened.

We ran out of food.

The food I had was supposed to last till the end of the first week of next month.

Which is only 3 days away.

To the end of the month if you didn't get it.

... Man, this has been one hard week.

I sighed from my place on the couch before scooting over a bit closer to Bille from _Him._ He was just going to be _Him_ for a while, until I felt like thinking of his name.

I wish he wouldn't sit close to me.

I glanced to the kitchen.

I'd told them that I would need to got the grocery store to get more food. They gave me strange looks before I said it was like a market place. So, right now, their deciding who will go with me and Billie to the "Store".

God, its not like we wouldn't not tell someone about this.

... Oh, wait, that's why.

I nudged Billie.

She nudged me back.

I did it again.

Seeing this as a challenge, she nudged me again a bit harder.

I followed suit.

Soon it escalated from mere nudges to full blown shoves.

Which ended when I was shoved in Tobi, who then shrieked like a little girl and shoved me back into Billie.

We stared at him.

Billie's eyes were wide,"Were you sleepi—"

_**"No."**_

...

...

...

He'd totally been sleeping.

...

* * *

**Author's Note****: **_Eh, I don't really like this chapter._


	11. In which I need to feed 10 people

_1207 Hours Military Time - 27/6/10_

_

* * *

_...

Shit.

I forgot something.

Turning a light pink I looked to my hands—twiddling my thumbs. I _usually_ don't have to call _Her_ because I _usually _don't have to cater to 10 people. I really do not want to call her, or she'll start asking really uncomfortable questions... after she asks what happened to the food of course.

* * *

_"Graham Residence."_

Twirling the phone cord with my fingers, I turned my back to Zetsu.

When I'd told them I had to call someone about the money to buy more food with, Kakuzu immediately stepped forward and said he had the money to furnish the food—much to everyone's surprise, but I could see why he had spoken up. They didn't want me to call for help. However, there was a little flaw in their plan.

Us americans don't use yen or ryo—whatever its called.

A bit disgruntled at that bit of information, they had no choice but to let me call the someone.

"Uh, hi Walker, may I speak to Aunty Mimi?" I spoke into the phone, a bit uncomfortable with Zetsu right behind me—peeking over my shoulder with his superior height.

There was a bit of clattering noise before Walker answered back to me.

I bet he dropped the phone.

_"Young Miss is that you? Why, you haven't called in ages my dear!" _exclaimed the voice on the other end._"You want to talk to the Madam? Just hold on a second and I'll connect her!"_

There was a small click and—

_"Hello."_

A bit nervous, I shuffled back some only to bump into a solid form.

**"Watch it..."**

"You shouldn't stand so close then..." I muttered."... Invading my bubble."

_"Excuse me? Who is this?" _Oh, riiight, I'm on the phone.

Readjusting the phone on my ear, I backed up a bit more to try and convey the message of,"Back the heck up and outta my bubble," to Zetsu.

"Uh, yes, hi Aunt Mimi." Zetsu didn't move.

_"Oh, Beni, is that you?" _she continued when I said a yes,_"Oh, darling you haven't called me in ages! How are you? Have you met any cute boys as of late? Maybe got yourself a boy~friend?"_ was giggled from the other end.

And there she went, asking _those_ questions right off the bat.

Turning a bit red in the face, I shuffled my feet again and tried pushing back at Zetsu some more."I'm sorry I haven't called in a while, and well, I suppose I have and no..."

Well, the fangirl residing in my heart in a light slumber did prove something right? Besides, Deidara's the only one even remotely close to my age.

_"O'really? You've meet some cute guys? Well, I'll just have to meet them sometime!" _She paused,"_You guys aren't doing anything I should know about—"_

Completely red in the face, I cut her off."NO! Erm, I mean no... to the last part." I tried to elbow Zetsu into moving back,"Aunt Mimi do you think I could go to the store early this month? I kinda ran out of food already..."

There was a bit of shuffling,_"Why of course my dear! The usual 200$ should suffice, yes?"_

"Uh, yeah, about that... I'm going to need enoughtofeed10people..." Why won't Zetsu move?

_"Dear?"_

I leaned back against Zetsu. Maybe he'd move and let me fall to the floor. "I need... enough to feed 10 people..."

The end was silent.

"... Aunt Mimi?"

...

* * *

...

"So... you two are coming along?"

Kakuzu nodded slightly to indicate yes, he was coming and Konan just stood there quietly.

Billie nudged me,"They can't go in their the cloaks."

I blinked."Riiight, erm, can you two do something about that?" I said to the two,"And Kakuzu, you can't wear masks in public like that—people might think you're going to rob the place... not to mention the amount of money we're going to have to spend." I muttered the last part.

Maybe I shouldn't of said that... because minutes later, Deidara replaced Kakuzu.

I looked Konan up and down."Um, I'm not sure, but you might fit my clothes?" I turned to the bomber,"And you, you need to wear gloves—no blowing things up either."

He grumbled and seemed to begin to protest when I saw him look somewhere over my shoulder. He looked away and didn't protest.

I looked back over my own shoulder. Pain was standing there, apparently inspecting one of my Naruto manga books. I strained for a moment to see which one he was looking at, but to no avail, I couldn't see the cover.

However, If I had to guess, I'd say it had him on it somewhere.

—xXx—

Well.

At least they didn't look too out of place now.

Deidara fidgeted a bit in the clothes he was wearing—my "It's all fun and games 'till the cops show up" shirt kinda fit him actually, and my knee knockers fit him too surprisingly along with the bike gloves he now wore—and Konan just stood there quietly in my loser shirt, she too opted for my knee knockers.

I wearily stared at the kunai shaped bumps in the many pockets she had before looking to the arsonist's clay bags strapped to his waist. He wouldn't part with 'em, but he said he wouldn't blow anything up.

I believed that.

After scribbling down a few rules in red marker—red's the first color you stare at—I rushed to the front door where Konan and Deidara should have been waiting.

Should have been is keywords here.

I stood there a few moments before walking over, pulling the door open and stepping out.

Hm.

They were standing there with Billie.

Said red eyed girl crossed her arms,"Took you fucking long enough."

...

* * *

**Author's Note: **_Well, school started like a week and a half ago, soooooo, updates will be random and probably spaced apart too long for my or you guys' liking... sorry ^^;_


	12. In which I get plotted against

**Author's Note:**

**I love reviews, but most of the ones I get are just like,"Good work! Keep it up! :DDDDD"(sorry if I quoted someone... o3o), I love that seriously, but I want some tipsssssss. No, not money tipssssss, adviiiiiice tiiiiiipsssss. I want to improoooooove.**

**And if you guys want better reading material from me, I could use a little more heeeeelp then what my school provides as all of this is voluntary.**

**I'll probably post this in my other stories too.**

**...**

**EDIT: I FIXED IT! THANKS CHEETAY!**

* * *

_Unknown Hours Military Time - 27/6/10_

_

* * *

_"Umm..." I stared at Deidara and Konan from the top of the driveway."Where are you guys going?"

Deidara's one visible eye seemed confused,"The market thing, yeah?"

Konan stayed quiet.

Glancing at her and I caught her eyes for a brief moment. She seemed... almost kind of sad? Maybe a bit ruffled by something?

"Uhhhh," I started, looking back to the young arsonist, before Billie snorted from behind me.

"You don't even know where it is," she commented.

Narrowing his one eye he shifted a bit,"That's why we're waiting for you two, hmm?"

I gave him a weird look.

Did he want to walk to the store? Was he insane? Me and Billie would die from unfitness in the first 30 minutes—oh, waiiit. My eyes widened upon realization—they didn't have cars in Naruto, so of course they'd be set on walking everywhere!

"We're not ninja ya' know, we can't walk and jump like you two can, remember?" I tapped my foot,"We're going in my car."

Now the bomber seemed totally confused."C-Car?" he scratched at his ear,"What's a car?" This seemed to have caught Konan's interest now as she was staring intently at me and Billie.

I sighed, picked up my wrist and looked to the time."How 'bout on the way there Billie informs you two, yes?

Said girl glared in my direction.

* * *

...

Deidara openly gaped at the complex looking building. I perked an eyebrow. Must be bigger then where they usually get their food... if Kakuzu let them get any at all by themselves.

Billie nudged me. I jolted and looked at her. She stared at me before rolling her eyes.

"Deidara." she called to the arsonist as she walked over to him,"Your coming with me." she grabbed a hold of his arm and made way to get a basket, leaving me behind with Konan.

Sheepish, I rubbed my neck as I looked to her,"Well, they just left us, huh?" she didn't say anything. A little put out, I motioned for her to follow me as I went to get a basket.

This should be... interesting to say the least.

Unless someone dies.

_—xXx—_

My face met my hand... for the third time today in the span of 10 minutes.

"Okay," I started, trying again."Look, Konan, the floor cleaner is NOT going to attack you. It has a job and it will only do that job of cleaning the floor—it will not veer off course and attack you unless the guy driving it motions for it to."

She glanced at the cleaner as it rode by, the guy atop it listening to his music, oblivious to the mental daggers sent his way. It was the third time we've been down an isle and he rode down it. Sighing, I stepped in front of her and pushed the cart forward a little.

It was like she was a whole other person.

Right now.

In this time frame.

With me.

And only me.

Oh god...

"Here, I'll push, you pick up some stuff and I'll tell you if its good or not." I compromised. Konan tore her eyes away from the cleaner as it rounded the corner_—_her face now sporting a slight look of curiousness.

"What exactly is all of this?" she questioned, motioning to most of the food products. If she was willing to ask questions, I sure as hell was not going to ignore her.

I picked up a box of tea bags and dropped it into the cart."Erm, you're gonna need to be more specific on what you're asking." Turning around, I could feel my face heat up when I found Konan much closer then she was a moment ago.

(e.g, RIGHT BEHIND ME.)

Gulping, I took a step back into the cart."Erm, yes?"

Konan stared down at me, and for the briefest moment, I thought I saw fear flash in her eyes, but before I could prove that to myself, she asked me a question.

"Is... is he really going to die?"

I felt a block of ice drop into my stomach.

Oh... oooh. I know where this is going.

I should have know better_______—_to think she'd be fooled like the rest of them, and for even saying that_ he _was going to die; soon for that matter.

I adverted my brown eyes, and I think, that was all she needed to know. For the rest of the trip, she clammed back up—saying nothing even when Deidara asked her what had her panties in a bunch.

These were criminals, yet, knowing when someone's going to die—even when they're not supposed to be real—it kinda hurt to tell said people.

If anyone would catch my drift.

...

_______________

* * *

_

_Other side of the store, a time ealier..._

...

_"What's __this yeah_?"

"A fucking bottle of liquid pancake batter." There was a pause."That is sprayable."

Deidara stared in awe of the bottle held firmly in his gloved hand. There was nothing like _this _back at the base.

Turning around, after grabbing two more bottles, he dropped them into the basket with a couple of dull clangs. Billie rolled her red eyes before putting 10 cans of corn into the cart followed by 5 different assortments of fruit cups.

She had no idea what ninja ate.

Leaning her weight forward, she scanned the selves for something else to grab. Locating something of worth she pushed the cart forward, practically ignoring the slight roaring noise that was steadily growing louder.

Picking up a box of chocolate bars, Billie read the description silently to herself. Her lips twitched into a smirk as she glanced to the arsonist. Making sure he wasn't looking, she quietly placed the box into the cart behind the cans.

That would come in handy later.

Yawning, trying to seem inconspicuous, she pushed herself further on, letting Deidara trail behind her.

"What's that noise yeah?"

She blinked before glancing back over her shoulder."Hm?"

The blonde rolled his visible eye."What's that noise, un?"

Taking a moment to listen, Billie's mouth formed an O."Oh, that's the floor cleaner thing." she repiled.

"The what, yeah?"

Scooping up four boxes of cereal into her arms, Billie motioned with her hands."It's this fucking huge floor cleaner that a guy rides around on cleaning the damn floor."

The youngest Akatsuki member,"Ah'd," before commenting on her constant vulgarity."Why do you curse so much, hmm? Don't girls usually keep it to a minimum, yeah?"

Having placed the boxes into the cart, she snapped her red eyes back to him,"I don't swear a lot," she denied.

"Just about every sentence you make has an obscenity in it, yeah."

"They fuckin' do not."

"Mhm, un."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"... Fuck you."

A grin appeared on the blond's face,"Is that an offer?"

"Hell no, you pervert."

...

* * *

_|1567 Hours Military Time|_

...

Stumbling over to the couch, I fell over onto it. Mumbling into the pillow for a moment, I turned my head to the side,"Nyeeeeeh, I hate grocery shopping..."

After getting back, Konan had immediately slunk off somewhere_______—_Deidara had tried to follow her example, but then Billie had done something strange. To keep him back to help us put the food away, she had bribed him with chocolate bars.

Chocolate bars.

Seriously.

... Anyway, after all the food had been put away, Billie had handed Deidara a bar before he also snuck off to somewhere. I feel like they plotted something while we were gone...

Yawning, I rolled over.

"Erm..."

I swallowed hard, no longer sleepy. Itachi stared down at me, his hand held firmly around a kunai. Having seen red in the corner of my eyes when I hadn't quite yet focused on him, I keep my eyes on the ceiling past his head.

Yeah, they plotted something.


	13. From which I give my readers a notice

_**From Which I Give My Readers A Notice**_

**_Author's Note:_**

**Just wanted to let all the people who faved this version of the story know that it's not going to be updated.**

**Ever.**

**I found that I disliked the way it was going and have decided to republish it with some major changes.**

**And since there's a rule against having a page of just an 'Author's Note'—doesn't make bloody sense, and I've seen plenty of other's do it, but whatever—I'll give you a preview of a chapter-to-be-that-could-be-changed for the other one.**

**Sooooooo... wanna go fave, or whatever, the other one now, lol?**

_..._

_..._

If I could have seen the Uchiha's face, he'd probably be smirking or something. I mean, abusing poor innocent civilians—like me—was probably a secret pastime he had.

I kinda put myself in this predicament anyway though.

My touch and go plan of snatching a kunai from a sleeping Hidan to stab him with hadn't been very bright. Well, at first it had been for defense if needed, but I had needed it and, now, I still do.

Too bad the kunai only shifted through him and disappeared.

The oppressive foot on my back shifted a little, getting just a tad bit more heavier.

I'll probably be a jackrabbit for the rest of my life after this. If there is even an _after_ this.

Eyes wide, my breath hitched when I felt the foot move side to side a bit again.

_**"And it would be just so, very, very, easy just to snap your spine here and now, wouldn't it?"**_ Madara sneered from above me.**_"But if I snap it just in the right place, you'll get a painful and slow death."_**

I'm wasn't sure if that was true, but I really didn't want to find out. Squirming underneath his foot, water gathered at the edge of my eyes.

I shakily sucked back a breath.

_**"Aw, is the poor little girl crying? Does she perhaps wish to call for her mommy?" **_mocked the voice behind the orange mask.

He had probably thought I had been too scared to scream. Or that my pride wouldn't let me—not that I had much use for pride with people that can kill me in over a million ways.

I bet he was surprised when I did scream.

He had stiffen—his foot on my back told me all I had needed to know—and stood there, most likely thinking I hadn't actually screamed. That maybe it had been apart of his insane mind.

But then I screamed again and was left to the mercy of _his _organization's seven other members when his foot left from my back.

_..._


End file.
